It is rocket science
Copies of this month's Four Four Two have been placed in the horror comics section after it was found to contain a photograph of Ian Dowie. He is interviewed, appropriately enough, in the 'Ask a Silly Question' feature.
Turns out that when Dowie was a rocket scientist he worked on air-launched anti-radiation missile (ALARM). That should have rung alarm bells at The Valley. Even if he could fix a broken missile guidance system, he couldn't help his players find the back of the net.
Dowie thinks that the future is in teleportation. So that's how he got from Selhurst to The Valley.
Meanwhile Alan Pardew fans can read about his popularity at Newcastle here: Sack Pardew