The News Shopper may be offering you a chance to win a penalty shootout competition at next week's Charlton v. Palace match Shootout but only we can offer you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spend an evening with Palace fans Nigel and Nigella at their bijou home in Beckenham.
Nigel, who has made his way up through the ranks of the Inland Revenue, decided to open up his home for hospitality as he had heard many stories about Charlton fans and wanted the opportunity to observe one at close quarters. ‘Of course, we could have gone to the monkey house at the zoo, he quipped.
South-Eastern trains have generously offered our competition winners two return tickets from any of their stations to Beckenham. At the station you will be met by a limousine supplied by New Cross Minicabs (choice of Toyota Aygo or Nissan Micra) and conveyed to the home of Nigel and Nigella while the driver expounds the view that ‘Millwall gotta be the top club in South London, innit?’
Nigel will greet you with the comment, ‘I see you haven’t brought your caravan with you,’ laughing uproariously at his own joke.
As an ice breaker, he will invite you to sit on the imitation leather sofa while he shows you his collection of Palace memorabilia. His prized item is a vessel from the Roman period which was dug up when Selhurst Park was being re-turfed. This has led Nigel to the view that Selhurst Park’s history as an arena of excellence started with Roman gladiators.
Unfortunately, he has been unable to translate the Latin inscription on the vessel which reads ‘Iti sapis spotan dat inoneat hat.’
While Nigella microwaves the meal deal from Sainsbury’s, Nigel will escort you to the back garden, having served you a glass of Nigella’s sharp tasting golden coloured aperitif which she has named ‘Essence of Crystal’. Son Eric will then demonstrate keep uppies dressed in full Palace kit. Daughter Erica will then use the trampoline which fills most of the garden to demonstrate her gymnastic skills whilst giving the finger.
After a hearty meal in which Nigel will talk at length about his belief in a Palace victory at The Valley and the inevitability of Palace finishing above Charlton in the table. Over coffee you will have the chance to watch his DVD of ‘Great Moments in Palace’s History’. Mercifully, this is very short.
Please note that you have to make your own way back to Beckenham Station. Having ‘imbibed’, Nigel will be unable to drive you.
In order to win this prize, you have to answer the following questions:
1. What burnt down in 1936?
2. Who were ‘The Team of the Eighties’?
3. Why are Palace sometimes referred to as the Glaziers?
4. At which London football ground can you get Nectar points?
5. (Tie breaker) Write a sentence celebrating Croydon, e.g., ‘Croydon, Gateway to the South, epitomises sophisticated urban living.’