Tuesday, 16 June 2009

What you need to be an East Stand lino

One of our commentators yesterday remarked on the poor standard of East Stand linos. Of course, those on the West may be just as bad but we don't get the same opportunity to study the finer points of their incompetence. Indeed, more generally, where you sit in the ground probably does influence how you see the game as another commentator suggested.

I have now obtained a copy of the FA requirements for East Stand linos and they are as follows:

1. Applications are welcome from the visually impaired, particularly if the problem has not been diagnosed and remedial action taken. This is the kind of posting that might be suitable for those reaching the end of a not particularly distinguished career as an official.
2. No understanding of the offside rule is required. Remember: if in doubt, rule against Charlton.
3. At least one throw in out of five shall be wrongly awarded.
4. If you see an infringement which the referee has not spotted, do not draw his attention to it.
5. Applications are particularly invited from the folically challenged. Your bottle of hair restorer will be broken in the dressing room before the game to put you in the right frame of mind.

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