Charlton Athletic fan Jonathan Acworth has demanded a high up position as a reward for the work he put in securing the club's takeover. In fact, we can reveal that Acworth never got as far as 'B' for Belgium.
Acworth was working off an old school atlas, going through countries alphabetically. He started off with Afghanistan and did actually manage to get through to a Taliban chief in his cave. The chief admitted that now that Osama bin Laden was dead, it was no longer obligatory to be a Gooner if you were in the Taliban. In fact, quite a lot of his lads were now following Millwall.
Nevertheless, Acworth was promised a warm welcome if he made it to Afghanistan. However, his plans were thwarted when he found that for some reason neither Easyjet or Ryanair flew to Kabul.
He then turned his attentions to Albania where he was in talks with some pyramid selling magnates. As a back up, he was talking to cigarette smugglers in Andorra. He never got as far as Belgium.