Pards in shock loan move

This time it really is chocks away

Alan Pardew has been busy bringing in loan players this year, but now the manager himself has been loaned out in a surprise move. He will be joining British Airways for the rest of the season in a bid to sort out the mess at Terminal 5.

A British Airways spokesman said, 'We feel that this management experience could help us, but in particular we are hoping to make use of his big book of excuses.'

Pards has already sorted out what he thinks is the nub of the problem. 'If only the passengers would stop complaining about cancelled flights, lack of explanation of the strategy and inadequate hotel provision, staff could get on with their jobs. Indeed, even better would be if there were no passengers at all. Then T5 would function perfectly.'