Now It Really Is The Red Army

Charlton really will be the Red Army after it was revealed that the club is on the verge of signing a sponsorship deal with the Chinese armed forces. ‘After our last two experiences, we were looking for a sponsor who wouldn’t become insolvent – and no one can see the Chinese army going bust,’ explained a club spokesman.

‘There were a number of pluses from the Red Army’s point of view. First, there is Zheng Zhi. Second, the fans already chant "Red Army" so no change will be needed there. Third, they liked the fact that the Valley Express service is affectionately known as the "Rickshaw". Last but not least, they thought that we had a very correct line in our Long March towards the Premiership.’

‘There will be a few changes. There was a feeling that the nickname “Addicks” was redolent of opium dens and henceforth the club will be known as the Red Dragons. The team will come out to the East Is Red rather than the Red, Red Robin. The East Stand will be re-named the Mao Tse Tung Stand.’

The new sponsorship will mean a big step up for Rick Everitt who will become the club’s first Political Commissar. He will be responsible for rooting out any hints of bourgeois deviationism. Fortunately, he has kept his Little Red Book and his Collected Works of Marx from his student days. ‘I do know the difference between Groucho Marx and Karl Marx,’ quipped the genial enforcer.